all he really wants to know without being imginary.

"clasp the card and hold on tight,
clap off the tap of your limp limb and snap my fist into place."
the words in her head are jumbled up so much and tightly knitted,
the burst of comforting feelings known for him will be painful.
a truth be told for a expected accomplish to win him back.

snapping back into relaity,
she is thinking about saying in a outlandish tone to bring the attention over to the problem in public,
a tactic of embarrassment,
his cheeks turn red,
knowing that he is making a big deal for something worth in private discussion,
she says
"i don't hate you, i don't hate you", to him.

she could scream it in repeat twelve times,
and he would like that and she knew so she did.
twelve times "I don't hate you, I don't hate you".
then everything was over and back to walking into the entrance of the subway uptown train 6 to astor place for a cheap slice of pizza.

her head is facing downward rested on top her knees.
she presses both palms against her cheeks.
inside she exhales out a sniff three times,
"huff huff huff",
the effort she takes for each sniff is towards the chest.
she thinks,
"just like sex".

the format makes no sense

the amount of careless thought put into feeling good feels good.

today thought about reaching a goal of careless "feels real good" thoughts,
like constantly exploding out of my head,
like missile -d into another head.
they can be a stranger or a friend even family heads, really just anyone
being hit with missile of "feels real good" thoughts provoked by "real good" thoughts from sarah valdez body
almost like a present.

my body will feel good about this
the fact that it was all careless will re-fix the meaning and become meaningful.

today i fantasized about netflix sending my careless,meaningful 'feels real good' thoughts and receiving anything with my name in the mail feels good.
somehow my 'feels real good' thoughts will then be popularized
into everyone's mailboxes and heads and be worn with v-neck seams.

thinking about all this makes me feel good.